What to write in a sympathy card
In a sympathy card, say you are sorry for their loss, name the person who died, share one specific memory or quality you valued, and offer one concrete kind of help. Keep it short and sincere. Avoid phrases that explain or minimize the death, such as everything happens for a reason, and send it within a few weeks, by hand if you can.
About 15 minutes to learnEveryday skill
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How to do it
- Open with a plain line: I am so sorry about the death of your dad.
- Name the person who died; the family wants to hear their name.
- Share one memory or quality: I will always remember how he cheered at every game.
- If you did not know them, say something about the person you are writing to: I know how close you two were.
- Offer one specific kind of help, such as dropping off dinner next week, instead of let me know if you need anything.
- Close simply: thinking of you, or with love, and sign your full name.
- Send it within a few weeks, and put a reminder to check in again in a month or two.
Common mistakes
- Writing at least they are no longer suffering or everything happens for a reason.
- Talking about your own losses at length.
- Not sending anything because the right words would not come.
- Offering vague help that puts the work back on the grieving person.
Quick self-check
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Teach this to someone
A one-page sheet for showing a friend, a roommate or a kid: what to say, what to show, and one question to check it landed.
Teach: What to write in a sympathy card
What to say
In a sympathy card, say you are sorry for their loss, name the person who died, share one specific memory or quality you valued, and offer one concrete kind of help. Keep it short and sincere. Avoid phrases that explain or minimize the death, such as everything happens for a reason, and send it within a few weeks, by hand if you can.
What to show, in order
- Open with a plain line: I am so sorry about the death of your dad.
- Name the person who died; the family wants to hear their name.
- Share one memory or quality: I will always remember how he cheered at every game.
- If you did not know them, say something about the person you are writing to: I know how close you two were.
- Offer one specific kind of help, such as dropping off dinner next week, instead of let me know if you need anything.
- Close simply: thinking of you, or with love, and sign your full name.
- Send it within a few weeks, and put a reminder to check in again in a month or two.
The check question
Ask: Which phrase is best avoided in a sympathy card?
Related skills
- What to do and say at a funeral
- How to support a friend who is grieving
- How to write a thank-you note
- Every skill in People and Etiquette
Last reviewed . First published .