How to give and receive feedback
To give feedback, do it soon and in private, describe the specific behavior you saw, explain its effect, and ask for what you want next time. To receive it, listen to the end, thank the person, ask for an example if it is unclear, and decide later what to act on. Defending yourself in the moment makes people stop telling you things.
About 20 minutes to learnEveryday skill
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How to do it
- Give feedback soon after the event, in private, and when you are calm.
- Describe the behavior, not the person: in the last two meetings you arrived fifteen minutes late.
- Explain the effect: we had to repeat the safety briefing and started late.
- Ask for the change and check they agree, such as being there by the start from now on.
- Give praise the same way, specific and soon, and more often than criticism.
- When receiving feedback, listen to the end without interrupting.
- Say thank you, ask for an example if you need one, and take a day to think before responding.
- Follow up later on what you changed.
Common mistakes
- Criticizing in front of others.
- Talking about attitude instead of specific behavior.
- Sandwiching criticism between vague compliments until the point is lost.
- Arguing or explaining while you are being given feedback.
Quick self-check
Three questions. Your last score is kept in this browser.
Teach this to someone
A one-page sheet for showing a friend, a roommate or a kid: what to say, what to show, and one question to check it landed.
Teach: How to give and receive feedback
What to say
To give feedback, do it soon and in private, describe the specific behavior you saw, explain its effect, and ask for what you want next time. To receive it, listen to the end, thank the person, ask for an example if it is unclear, and decide later what to act on. Defending yourself in the moment makes people stop telling you things.
What to show, in order
- Give feedback soon after the event, in private, and when you are calm.
- Describe the behavior, not the person: in the last two meetings you arrived fifteen minutes late.
- Explain the effect: we had to repeat the safety briefing and started late.
- Ask for the change and check they agree, such as being there by the start from now on.
- Give praise the same way, specific and soon, and more often than criticism.
- When receiving feedback, listen to the end without interrupting.
- Say thank you, ask for an example if you need one, and take a day to think before responding.
- Follow up later on what you changed.
The check question
Ask: Which is useful feedback?
Related skills
- How to be a better listener
- How to write a professional email
- How to apologize properly
- Every skill in Work and Career
Last reviewed . First published .