How to check on a friend who seems off
If a friend seems off, pulling away, drinking more or talking about being a burden, reach out privately and ask how they are really doing, then listen. If you are worried, ask directly: are you thinking about suicide? Asking does not put the idea in their head. If they say yes, stay with them, call or text 988 together, and call 911 if they are in immediate danger.
About 15 minutes to learnSafety critical: tightly scoped, know when to call a professional
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How to do it
- Notice changes: withdrawal, missing plans, more drinking, giving things away, or saying things like everyone would be better off without me.
- Reach out privately, in person or by call, and say you have noticed they seem down and want to know how they really are.
- Listen without judging, arguing or rushing to fix.
- If you are worried, ask directly and calmly whether they are thinking about suicide.
- If they say yes, stay with them, and help put distance between them and anything they could use to hurt themselves.
- Call or text 988 together, or connect them to their doctor or a counselor.
- Call 911 if they have a plan and intend to act now, or you cannot stay with them.
- Follow up in the next few days with a message or a visit.
Stop and call a professional if
- Your friend is thinking about suicide: call or text 988 in the US with them, any time.
- They have a plan, the means, or are in immediate danger: call 911 and stay with them.
- You are shaken afterward: talk to someone yourself, or call 988 for support.
Common mistakes
- Waiting for them to bring it up.
- Avoiding the direct question out of fear of making it worse.
- Promising to keep suicidal thoughts secret.
- Trying to handle a crisis alone without calling for help.
Quick self-check
Three questions. Your last score is kept in this browser.
Teach this to someone
A one-page sheet for showing a friend, a roommate or a kid: what to say, what to show, and one question to check it landed.
Teach: How to check on a friend who seems off
What to say
If a friend seems off, pulling away, drinking more or talking about being a burden, reach out privately and ask how they are really doing, then listen. If you are worried, ask directly: are you thinking about suicide? Asking does not put the idea in their head. If they say yes, stay with them, call or text 988 together, and call 911 if they are in immediate danger.
What to show, in order
- Notice changes: withdrawal, missing plans, more drinking, giving things away, or saying things like everyone would be better off without me.
- Reach out privately, in person or by call, and say you have noticed they seem down and want to know how they really are.
- Listen without judging, arguing or rushing to fix.
- If you are worried, ask directly and calmly whether they are thinking about suicide.
- If they say yes, stay with them, and help put distance between them and anything they could use to hurt themselves.
- Call or text 988 together, or connect them to their doctor or a counselor.
- Call 911 if they have a plan and intend to act now, or you cannot stay with them.
- Follow up in the next few days with a message or a visit.
When to stop and call a professional
- Your friend is thinking about suicide: call or text 988 in the US with them, any time.
- They have a plan, the means, or are in immediate danger: call 911 and stay with them.
- You are shaken afterward: talk to someone yourself, or call 988 for support.
The check question
Ask: Does asking someone directly about suicide put the idea in their head?
Related skills
- How to be a better listener
- Signs of depression in men
- How to ask for help
- Every skill in Friends and Headspace
Sources
- National suicide and crisis line guidance, current edition. Checked September 28, 2026.
Last reviewed . First published .